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🍉 20 ways cut a watermelon, according to the WTF community

(Matt Kiser) #1

I asked the WTF community’s preferred way to cut a watermelon because I spent an absurd amount of time trying to figure out the “correct” way of slicing up a gourd. I compiled this list because one reader responding, asking “When you find out, let the rest of us know! I usually feel like I’m risking permanent disability when I buy a watermelon, yet can’t help myself… they’re so good!” So, here’s some of what I’ve learned:

  1. Cut it into sticks. This blog post says it was Leonardo da Vinci’s preferred method:

  1. Buy a device which basically looks like a wheel with spokes that are actually dangerous, ninja-warrior sharp blades. You just push it down over the watermelon top and voila’! Sliced melon. Just please don’t cut your fingers off; we need them to be able to type and give us the manna that is your daily updates.”

  2. Cut the watermelon in half, put the cut sides down, slice.”

  3. Drop it on a clean(ish) surface from a reasonable height

  4. I gave up cutting them years ago. Now I just smash them. Hold above head; aim at ground; throw hard. If you are worried about dirt, a pillowcase works well.”

  5. Clearly you never grew up in hot humid temps where eating watermelon is like swimming. Here is what you do: Sit on it. Cut off a big chunk at the top. Lean over and put your face into the opening and slurp it up!”

  6. Use a large chef’s knife that is sharp and thick, not thin/bendy. Slice the melon in half through the thinnest point - the waist (I.e. the stem end should be to one side). Lay one half on your cutting board cut side down so it doesn’t roll. Slice in half again - cut straight down through the middle. Now you have two quarters. Set one aside. If you are cutting wedges, you can just start chopping them off the end of your quarter now. About 1” width slices works great. Cut them in half if they are too wide. Cut all the melon you like this way. If you want to cut bites just start cutting off the rind now and then just dice like a giant onion.”

  7. Split the melon down the middle. I then turn each half flat side down on a cutting board with “grooves” to catch juice. I then slice into semicircles about 1.5” thick. Those can then be easily cut into manageable sized pieces if being served rind-on or the flesh can be removed in chunks."

  8. Lay the melon on its long side, cut directly in the middle perpendicular so you have two equal halves, begin slicing from one of those cut ends slicing a full one inch thick circle of a slice, cut the circle slice into halves, or quarters for kids. Don’t eat the seeds, but if you do, they won’t hurt 'cha!”

  9. It’s absolutely cut this way (you just need two watermeloni)”

  10. Start sideways, with the stem parallel to the cutting board; Cut in half; Lay the halves with the open side down; Slice crosswise into 1” slices; Holding the resulting slices together, cut lengthwise into halves for manageable portions."

  11. Cut it in half, lay the flat side down, then cut through one way, then the other, in a grid. Then you have watermelon bars!. Hold by the rind, and eat like a popsicle.”

  12. Cut in half and eat with a spoon!”

  13. Cut it into quarters, then slice the pink part into cubes and slice all the cubes off mango-style (but that has to be altered depending on the watermelon’s shape). Then I slice off the excess pink in sheaths off the rind, and I try to pour the juice into a glass because it’s tasty. No matter what, it’s going to be an awkward, long, messy event, so I always put on something on TV in the background.”

  14. Do it the Aussie way:

  15. Buy pre-cut melons because I have no idea how to cut them either!”

  16. "Watermelon should be cut up with abandon and eaten the same way. Go straight to the heart of the matter. "

  17. It depends how big your melon is. If it’s the small-to-miniature version they mostly have now, first cut it in half, then cut each half in half. Then cut those in half perpendicular to your last cut. You should then have a bunch of wedge-ish shaped pieces, with a wide flat end and a pointy end. Cut those in half the long way, along the “peak” of the chunk to the pointy end. Now, you have narrow wedges that you can cut crosswise into little triangles. Because you don’t have a giant curved piece of rind to deal with, you won’t get sticky watermelon juice all over your face. Each triangle has a nice finger-length chunk of watermelon that you can easily polish off in a few non-messy bites. If you have the classic gigantic sized watermelon, first cut off one end so that you have a manageable-sized chunk, then proceed as above. Or, cut into roughly inch-thick rounds or half-rounds, then render into little triangles by making cuts radiating out from the center of the slice.”

  18. Smash it and turn it into syrup. Then put it on flap-jacks… or a margarita.”

  19. An important approach to cutting a watermelon requires that couple of hours before you eat, you open a hole and pour in a large amount of alcohol in. Some prefer vodka; others gin; others who knows…”

(Renee Drellishak) #2

This method of making and pouring watermelon smoothies looks promising.


For the most yield

(Andrew Benedict) #4

My Greek Grandfather used to slice our watermellon. He had a huge knife with a blade at least 20 inches long. But I digress. However it’s sliced, he taught us that the only way to eat it is with feta cheese.

(Susan) #5

These responses made me laugh out loud. Thanks to all.

(Matt Kiser) closed #6

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