Nation Stunned That There Is Someone in White House Capable of Writing an Editorial
By Andy Borowitz
September 5, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans were startled by the revelation on Wednesday afternoon that there was someone working in the Trump White House capable of writing an entire editorial, reports indicate.
In a nation already rocked by a series of bombshells since Labor Day, the news that an anonymous senior White House official had the command of the English language necessary to compose a seemingly coherent Op-Ed piece suitable for publication in a major newspaper was perhaps the most improbable development of all.
Davis Logsdon, a professor of linguistics at the University of Minnesota, said that a team of language experts under his supervision has studied the Op-Ed word by word and is “in a state of disbelief” that someone currently working for Donald J. Trump could have written it.
“There are complete sentences, there are well-structured paragraphs, there is subject-verb agreement,” he said. “This does not appear to be the work of any White House staffer we’re familiar with.”
Stressing that he and his team of linguists are “not even close” to determining the author, Logsdon said that they were currently using the process of elimination to whittle down the list of possible scribes.
“Based on the mastery of language that we see here, it’s not Sarah Huckabee Sanders, John Kelly, Stephen Miller, or Kellyanne Conway, and it’s definitely not Jared,” he said.
Funny minute from Jon Favreau of Pod Saves America on being stopped today at a stoplight by a question concerning who might have written the NYT Op ED piece.
Read this sharp yet sardonic translation of the NYT op Ed piece yesterday. 
He may not have a lodestar…
But he definitely paid a porn star 
Humor Fix The Borowitz Report
Trump Demands to Know Who Put “Entering Crazytown” Sign on Oval Office Door
By Andy Borowitz
September 7, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump demanded on Friday that Attorney General Jeff Sessions investigate who put a sign reading “Entering Crazytown, U.S.A.” on the door to the Oval Office.
Trump reportedly noticed the sign for the first time Friday morning, and became enraged after asking Kellyanne Conway, the counsellor to the President, to read what it said to him.
According to White House insiders, determining the creator of the sign could prove difficult, because between seventy and a hundred White House staffers have been known to use the word “Crazytown” to describe their work environment.
“Whoever put that sign on my door has committed treason against the United States,” Trump told reporters, before turning away and revealing that someone had put a Post-it reading “President Stupidpants” on his back.
If you think Trump tickles Putin’s balls in public, you should see the kneepads he breaks out in private.
I’m usually pretty meh on this kind of thing but this killed me.
#peakmillennial #getthatgrapefruit
