And from songs with words needing to be changed
1)@richardmarx Richard Marx
I misspoke. I meant to say I âwouldnâtâ be right here waiting for you.
2)âŚand Queen has just reported that they meant to say We WONâT Rock You.
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Never wouldnât not gonna give you up! Wouldnât not gonna let you down! Wouldnât not gonna desert you! -
So I guess Journey meant for us to stop believing.
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The Beach Boys meant to ask, with a raised left eyebrow, Would it be nice?
The Borowitz Report
Trump Demands That N.F.L. Players Stand During Russian National Anthem
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)âIn a series of early-morning tweets on Sunday, Donald J. Trump demanded that the Russian national anthem be played before every National Football League game and that all N.F.L. players stand during the performance.
Trump asserted that playing the Russian anthem was a ânecessary gesture of good will from the USA to our No. 1 ally,â and that âany player who refuses to stand for the Russian antem [sic] hates America!â
Seeming to double down on his demand, Trump tweeted that all N.F.L. players must remain standing while the color guard unfurls the flag of the Russian Federation.
Trumpâs insistence that football players stand for the Russian anthem appeared to come as a surprise to the director of National Intelligence, Dan Coats, who first heard about it while appearing at a security forum, in Bethesda, Maryland.
âWhat kind of fucking bullshit is this?â Coats said, later saying that he meant no disrespect by that remark.
If youâre tired of looking at pictures of Donald Trump, thereâs a Chrome extension for that.
Make America Kittens Again is an extension you can add to your Google Chrome browser that automatically detects images of Trump on the web and changes them to photos of kittens.While the extension doesnât work on social media sites like Facebook or Twitter, it will change the photos on news sites like The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Business Insider.
Humor Fix - The Borowitz Report
Trump to Discontinue Obama-Era Practice of Using Lowercase Letters
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)âCharting a sharply different course from that of his predecessor in the White House, Donald J. Trump announced on Monday that he would discontinue the Obama-era practice of using lowercase letters.
In a series of early-morning tweets, Trump announced the ban on lowercase letters, calling them âSMALLâ and âWEAK.â
âI WILL KEEP AMERICA STRONG BY USING ALL CAPS,â he tweeted. âTHERE ARE NO SMALL LETTERS IN USA!â
âLITTLE LETTERS BAD!!!â Trump added, for emphasis.
Trumpâs policy of zero tolerance for lowercase letters could have a sweeping impact on the federal bureaucracy if, as rumored, all government agencies are required to retrofit their computers and mobile devices with a permanent caps-lock key.
Additionally, civil-liberties groups argued that Trumpâs war on lowercase letters flies in the face of the First Amendment, which implicitly protects the right to use letters of all sizes and fonts.
Amid the controversy, the White House appeared to walk back the new policy later in the day, as aides revealed that Trump will still use lowercase letters, in the style of the poet e. e. cummings, when communicating with Vladimir Putin.
Great solution (changing his picture to kittens), now whereâs the âMUTEâ button!?
From day 7 of the White House protests. Enjoy!
Humorist Larry Davidâs take about that NATO breakfast and why Kelly might not have been happy.
Larry David: The Most Important Meal of the Day
The Borowitz Report
(regarding Tâs mention of his buddy Frederick Douglass)
Trump Threatens to Yank Security Clearance from Frederick Douglass
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)âDonald J. Trumpâs crusade to revoke security clearances from perceived critics was on display again on Tuesday as he threatened to yank credentials from a man he had previously praised, Frederick Douglass.
It was unclear why Trump had turned on Douglass, because, unlike other targets of Trumpâs security-clearance rampage, Douglass had not made disparaging comments about him on cable news in recent weeks.
Trump offered few clues as to the source of his unhappiness with Douglass, but he broadcast his disapproval of the abolitionist in a tweet that read, âHE IS NO LONGER DOING AN AMAZING JOB.â
The threat to revoke Douglassâs credentials put the White House chief of staff, John Kelly, in a tough spot, because, presumably, Kelly would be the staff member tasked with carrying out such an order.
âGeneral Kelly could point out to Trump that Frederick Douglass never had security clearance, and, plus, he is dead,â an aide to Kelly said. âBut neither of those things is likely to change Trumpâs mind.â
I was told NY one sided taping is not illegal.
Man who vandalized Trumpâs Walk of Fame star bailed out by person who did it years ago. Good team work!
