Humor, memes, funny internet stuff etc


#404

Kindergaurdians? Holy guacamole, I’m speechless.


(nina) #405

The Borowitz File


(nina) #406

And another one…
The Borowitz Report

Something to consider, right??!!

Leaders of ISIS and Al Qaeda Puzzled Why Trump Has Not Invited Them to White House

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The leaders of ISIS and Al Qaeda said on Friday that they were totally perplexed as to why Donald J. Trump had not yet invited them to the White House.

The terror chiefs said that, as sworn enemies of the United States, they had certainly attacked the country enough to warrant an invitation for an official visit, and possibly a state dinner.

“Maybe we haven’t done anything to directly undermine their democracy—I get that,” Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS, said. “But we’ve been nemeses of America for years, and that ought to be worth something.”

Ayman al-Zawahiri, the leader of Al Qaeda, said that he also feels snubbed. “No invitation. Not even a save-the-date,” he said. “At this point, I’d settle for the White House Easter Egg Roll, but I’m not counting on anything.”

Calling the absence of a White House invitation for Al Qaeda “the height of unfairness,” the evildoer added, bitterly, “The whole thing seems political.”

Hibatullah Akhundzada, the current leader of the Taliban, said that, like his terrorist colleagues, he was “dumbfounded” that Trump invited Vladimir Putin and not him to the White House. “At some point you have to wonder, what does Putin have on this guy?” he said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/leaders-of-isis-and-al-qaeda-puzzled-why-trump-has-not-invited-them-to-white-


#407


(nina) #408

And from songs with words needing to be changed

1)@richardmarx Richard Marx

I misspoke. I meant to say I “wouldn’t” be right here waiting for you.

2)…and Queen has just reported that they meant to say We WON’T Rock You.

  1. :notes:Never wouldn’t not gonna give you up! Wouldn’t not gonna let you down! Wouldn’t not gonna desert you!:notes:

  2. So I guess Journey meant for us to stop believing.

  3. The Beach Boys meant to ask, with a raised left eyebrow, Would it be nice?


(Lynn) #409


#410


#411

image


#412


(nina) #413

The Borowitz Report

Trump Demands That N.F.L. Players Stand During Russian National Anthem

By Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a series of early-morning tweets on Sunday, Donald J. Trump demanded that the Russian national anthem be played before every National Football League game and that all N.F.L. players stand during the performance.

Trump asserted that playing the Russian anthem was a “necessary gesture of good will from the USA to our No. 1 ally,” and that “any player who refuses to stand for the Russian antem [sic] hates America!”

Seeming to double down on his demand, Trump tweeted that all N.F.L. players must remain standing while the color guard unfurls the flag of the Russian Federation.

Trump’s insistence that football players stand for the Russian anthem appeared to come as a surprise to the director of National Intelligence, Dan Coats, who first heard about it while appearing at a security forum, in Bethesda, Maryland.

“What kind of fucking bullshit is this?” Coats said, later saying that he meant no disrespect by that remark.


#414


(nina) #415

If you’re tired of looking at pictures of Donald Trump, there’s a Chrome extension for that.
Make America Kittens Again is an extension you can add to your Google Chrome browser that automatically detects images of Trump on the web and changes them to photos of kittens.

While the extension doesn’t work on social media sites like Facebook or Twitter, it will change the photos on news sites like The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Business Insider.


(nina) #416

Humor Fix - The Borowitz Report

Trump to Discontinue Obama-Era Practice of Using Lowercase Letters

By Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Charting a sharply different course from that of his predecessor in the White House, Donald J. Trump announced on Monday that he would discontinue the Obama-era practice of using lowercase letters.

In a series of early-morning tweets, Trump announced the ban on lowercase letters, calling them “SMALL” and “WEAK.”

“I WILL KEEP AMERICA STRONG BY USING ALL CAPS,” he tweeted. “THERE ARE NO SMALL LETTERS IN USA!”

“LITTLE LETTERS BAD!!!” Trump added, for emphasis.

Trump’s policy of zero tolerance for lowercase letters could have a sweeping impact on the federal bureaucracy if, as rumored, all government agencies are required to retrofit their computers and mobile devices with a permanent caps-lock key.

Additionally, civil-liberties groups argued that Trump’s war on lowercase letters flies in the face of the First Amendment, which implicitly protects the right to use letters of all sizes and fonts.

Amid the controversy, the White House appeared to walk back the new policy later in the day, as aides revealed that Trump will still use lowercase letters, in the style of the poet e. e. cummings, when communicating with Vladimir Putin.


(Lynn) #417

image


(Lynn) #418

Great solution (changing his picture to kittens), now where’s the “MUTE” button!?


#419

From day 7 of the White House protests. Enjoy!
:joy::joy::joy:


(nina) #420

Humorist Larry David’s take about that NATO breakfast and why Kelly might not have been happy.

Larry David: The Most Important Meal of the Day


#421

image


(nina) #422

The Borowitz Report

(regarding T’s mention of his buddy Frederick Douglass)

Trump Threatens to Yank Security Clearance from Frederick Douglass

By Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s crusade to revoke security clearances from perceived critics was on display again on Tuesday as he threatened to yank credentials from a man he had previously praised, Frederick Douglass.

It was unclear why Trump had turned on Douglass, because, unlike other targets of Trump’s security-clearance rampage, Douglass had not made disparaging comments about him on cable news in recent weeks.

Trump offered few clues as to the source of his unhappiness with Douglass, but he broadcast his disapproval of the abolitionist in a tweet that read, “HE IS NO LONGER DOING AN AMAZING JOB.”

The threat to revoke Douglass’s credentials put the White House chief of staff, John Kelly, in a tough spot, because, presumably, Kelly would be the staff member tasked with carrying out such an order.

“General Kelly could point out to Trump that Frederick Douglass never had security clearance, and, plus, he is dead,” an aide to Kelly said. “But neither of those things is likely to change Trump’s mind.”


#423

I was told NY one sided taping is not illegal.