Humor, memes, funny internet stuff etc

(M A Croft) #546

Here’s another “call” on the recent coup in the coup capital of the western world -Canberra.
US President Donald Trump has sent his condolences to deposed Prime Minister Malcolm Trumble and phoned to congratulate new Prime Minister Scott Morrible.

Mr Trump said that while he’d had difficulties with Mr Trumble in the past, he respected the New Zealand leader. “He lives such a long way away. That must be tough,” Mr Trump said.

Trump phoned new leader Scott Morrible last night, Australian time, to congratulate him on winning the recent federal election. “I asked him how many people came to his inauguration. People have told me it was much smaller than mine”.

Mr Trump said he hoped to visit Mr Morrible when he next comes to Europe.







Nuf said…

(M A Croft) #552


Trump Fears Next Election Will Be Decided by Americans

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump is “scared to death” that the 2020 Presidential election will be decided by Americans, an aide to Trump has confirmed.

The aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that Trump is panicking over a doomsday scenario in which Americans, sidelined during the 2016 election, play a dominant role in influencing the 2020 contest.

“It sounds paranoid, but, as we speak, representatives of the United States are already plotting to remove him from office in 2020,” the aide said. “They are determined to replace him with someone who takes a move favorable view toward their country.”

The aide said that the Americans, frustrated by Trump’s open hostility to the United States since taking office, will “stop at nothing” to achieve their ultimate goal: installing an agent of the U.S. in the Oval Office.

“It’s pretty clear what the Americans are up to,” the aide said. “They want a puppet who will do the bidding of the United States of America.”

While Trump has reportedly ordered his staff to do everything in its power to prevent Americans from meddling in the 2020 election, the prospect of U.S. nationals deciding the next Presidential race has clearly left the White House rattled.

“Americans are going to use voter registration, social media, and anything else at their disposal to hand the election to someone who will advance their interests,” he said. “That’s what keeps Trump up at night.”







Very funny!



Satire from The Borowitz Report
White Man Hopes to Land Job Without Background Check

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A fifty-three-year-old white man from Washington, D.C., is hoping to land a six-figure job for life without being subjected to a thorough background check, the man confirmed on Tuesday.

The man, Brett Kavanaugh, said that he was “pretty chill” about his upcoming job interview because he had been assured that “anything super damaging” had been removed from his H.R. file.

“There’s some stuff in my past—especially, like, from the nineties—that would be kind of heinous if anyone looked into it,” Kavanaugh said. “Fortunately, I know someone in H.R. and he took, like, a hundred thousand pages out of my file.”

The Washington native said that he had been assured that his job interview would be led by a group of other white men who “won’t ask me anything too hard.”

“They were, like, ‘Just smile a lot and nod your head and you’re in, dude,’ ” he said.

Kavanaugh said he was “blown away” when he learned about the benefits package that comes with his prospective job. “When my friend in H.R. told me it was $255,300 a year for life, even after you retire, and no background check, I was, like, ‘You have got to be shitting me,’ ” he said. “I don’t care who you are. That’s sweet.”


(Scott G) #561

Ghosts, you say?



Trump Furious That Woodward’s Book Is Written at Seventh-Grade Reading Level

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump obtained an advance copy of Bob Woodward’s new book Monday evening and was “furious” to discover that Woodward had written it at a seventh-grade reading level, a White House aide has confirmed.

The aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that Trump was convinced that Woodward wrote the book for seventh-grade readers to make its assertions impossible for Trump to refute.

“Trump was turning page after page, becoming increasingly angry at its gratuitous use of a seventh-grade vocabulary,” the aide said. “It was like it was written entirely in a secret code.”

At one point, Trump became so frustrated trying to decipher the word “imbecilic” that he hurled the book across the room.

“Book bad!” he reportedly shouted.

According to the aide, Trump’s daughter Ivanka is dreading that she will be called upon to read the Woodward book aloud to her father, as he has demanded she do with books by James Comey and Omarosa Manigault Newman.

“In the past, Ivanka has begged off by saying she was too busy running her company, but she can’t do that anymore,” the aide said.



Heated and bizarre exchange between Marco Rubio and Alex Jones. Kinda funny :joy: Click to watch the video :point_down:


LOL - Alex Jones to Rubio “You’re like a little gangsta!” :face_with_raised_eyebrow: