Doppelganger
Iâm not completely settled on how funny this op-ed thing is. On one hand it is, and on the other hand it could have some pretty bad consequences. As bad as he is now, will he be better when he decides he shouldnât listen to any of his advisers, well-meaning or otherwise?
Nation Stunned That There Is Someone in White House Capable of Writing an Editorial
By Andy Borowitz
September 5, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)âMillions of Americans were startled by the revelation on Wednesday afternoon that there was someone working in the Trump White House capable of writing an entire editorial, reports indicate.
In a nation already rocked by a series of bombshells since Labor Day, the news that an anonymous senior White House official had the command of the English language necessary to compose a seemingly coherent Op-Ed piece suitable for publication in a major newspaper was perhaps the most improbable development of all.
Davis Logsdon, a professor of linguistics at the University of Minnesota, said that a team of language experts under his supervision has studied the Op-Ed word by word and is âin a state of disbeliefâ that someone currently working for Donald J. Trump could have written it.
âThere are complete sentences, there are well-structured paragraphs, there is subject-verb agreement,â he said. âThis does not appear to be the work of any White House staffer weâre familiar with.â
Stressing that he and his team of linguists are ânot even closeâ to determining the author, Logsdon said that they were currently using the process of elimination to whittle down the list of possible scribes.
âBased on the mastery of language that we see here, itâs not Sarah Huckabee Sanders, John Kelly, Stephen Miller, or Kellyanne Conway, and itâs definitely not Jared,â he said.
Funny minute from Jon Favreau of Pod Saves America on being stopped today at a stoplight by a question concerning who might have written the NYT Op ED piece.
Read this sharp yet sardonic translation of the NYT op Ed piece yesterday.
He may not have a lodestarâŚ
But he definitely paid a porn star
Humor Fix The Borowitz Report
Trump Demands to Know Who Put âEntering Crazytownâ Sign on Oval Office Door
By Andy Borowitz
September 7, 2018
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)âDonald J. Trump demanded on Friday that Attorney General Jeff Sessions investigate who put a sign reading âEntering Crazytown, U.S.A.â on the door to the Oval Office.
Trump reportedly noticed the sign for the first time Friday morning, and became enraged after asking Kellyanne Conway, the counsellor to the President, to read what it said to him.
According to White House insiders, determining the creator of the sign could prove difficult, because between seventy and a hundred White House staffers have been known to use the word âCrazytownâ to describe their work environment.
âWhoever put that sign on my door has committed treason against the United States,â Trump told reporters, before turning away and revealing that someone had put a Post-it reading âPresident Stupidpantsâ on his back.
If you think Trump tickles Putinâs balls in public, you should see the kneepads he breaks out in private.
Iâm usually pretty meh on this kind of thing but this killed me.