TG for Humor
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Mueller Says He Has Obtained Trumpâs SAT Scores
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)âThe special counselâs office has obtained Donald J. Trumpâs long-suppressed SAT scores, Robert Mueller confirmed on Thursday.
After the SAT results were retrieved, a forensics lab examined the microscopic scores and positively identified them as Trumpâs, the special counsel explained.
Mueller said that he did not seek Trumpâs SAT scores because he thought that they would have any bearing on his investigation of Russian meddling in the 2016 election. âMy team has been putting in long hours and working very, very hard,â he said. âI just thought they deserved a good laugh.â
Although he refused to divulge Trumpâs exact SAT scores, Mueller hinted that they did reflect well on Trump in one respect. âFrom these SATs, itâs evident that he did not cheat off anyone elseâs paper,â he said.
best rant ever
WTF WTF WTF WTF
Putting this under âHumorâ because we do not know when the Mueller Report is coming outâŚso hereâs a place to pre-order it for a March 26, 2019 drop.
(Intro by Alan Dershowitz)
Robert Muellerâs highly anticipated report on alleged Russian meddling in the 2016 election and possible collusion between Russia and the President Donald Trumpâs campaign team is expected to be published in a book by The Washington Post.
According to the American Booksellers Association, customers can now place pre-orders for two âupcoming titlesâ featuring Muellerâs closely watched report, which is believed to be nearing completion, on the IndieBound.org website.
The first is the Department of Justiceâs own The Mueller Report: The Final Report of the Special Counsel into Donald Trump, Russia, and Collusion, which is being published by Skyhorse Publishing and has an introduction by U.S. lawyer Alan Dershowitz. The full report can be purchased for $12.99 and has a release date of March 26.
The second publication is The Washington Post 's The Mueller Report, which is priced at $15 and is also set to be released on March 26.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Storms Out of McDonaldâs After Failing to Close Six-Dollar Meal Deal
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)âCapping a singularly disastrous week for the Commander-in-Chief, Donald J. Trump stormed out of a Washington, D.C., McDonaldâs restaurant on Friday after failing to close a six-dollar Meal Deal at the establishment.
At approximately 12:30 P.M. , Trump took a break from his designated âexecutive timeâ to travel to the nearby McDonaldâs, where he placed an order for a Meal Deal consisting of a Quarter Pounder with cheese, fries, Coke, and an apple pie.
Tracy Klugian, the McDonaldâs employee who took Trumpâs order, said that he was aware of Trumpâs difficulty in closing deals and therefore hiked the price of the Meal Deal to twelve dollars.
âI really thought he would drive a harder bargain, what with âThe Art of the Dealâ and all,â the McDonaldâs staffer said. âI was kind of surprised when he just bailed.â
With the McDonaldâs deal in tatters, one White House aide acknowledged that Trump âreally needs a win right now,â and that he was en route to Arbyâs.
Peter Sagan is a guest, he hosts NPRâs Wait WaitâŚDonât Tell Mewhich is one of the greatest NPR shows of all time. Hilarity ensues. Top ten all time episodes for sure. Click link for podcast
Trumpâs ex-lawyer (and just plain ex-lawyer) Michael Cohen testifies before Congress and it was WILD. Fox & Friends is loving the dynamic between Trump and Kim Jong Un. And Green Book is drawing all the attention away from the fact that Bohemian Rhapsody is also bad. Live from the Chicago Theater, Peter Sagal, Akilah Hughes, and Kim Bellware join to break down a lot of big news along with rising health care prices, redlining in the housing market, and why Lovett actually likes Malort.
Yes, what is it?
MUELLER in the Mardi Gras house!!!
Doesnât he understand how ridiculous he looks? If he hadnât actually tweeted it himself, youâd swear this was something Photoshopped by The Onion.
Hereâs a closeup. This is looney tunes.
A couple brilliant reactions:
And canât resist re-upping this from eons ago.