2 Likes
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Putin Denies Mitch McConnell Is Russian Asset: “He Has Never Been an Asset to Any Country
MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Pushing back against charges that Senator Mitch McConnell is a Russian asset, the Russian President, Vladimir Putin, said on Tuesday that McConnell “has never been an asset to any country.”
“You can scour the four corners of the globe, and you will not find a nation that would ever in a million years consider Mitch McConnell an asset,” Putin said.
The Russian President urged pundits who have called McConnell a Russian asset “to look up the word ‘asset’ in the dictionary.”
“You will find that ‘asset’ means a useful or valuable thing,” Putin said. “The only part of that definition that fits McConnell is ‘thing.’ ”
Pressing his case further, he said that it was debatable whether McConnell was even an asset to his home state of Kentucky. “Maybe compared to Rand Paul he is, but that’s setting the bar ludicrously low,” he said.
Concluding his remarks, Putin said that people who ask, “Who does Mitch McConnell work for?” are asking the wrong question. “The question should be ‘When has Mitch McConnell ever worked?’ ” he said.
5 Likes
This was perfection. 
2 Likes
I’m weirdly proud of my Governor for this article. 
Inslee has the energy, jawline, and broad shoulders of the hot high-school quarterback who is also nice and invites everyone to his parties, even the nerds. He looks like a retired superhero who is taking it easy now but can still lift a midsize sedan over his head. He’s the hot neighbor who would help you carry your groceries up to you apartment, and then be like, “Oh, your sink is broken? I can fix that no problem,” and he rolls up his sleeves and wipes his brow and gets to work. He is dedicated to reversing climate change (hot), has a detailed “100% Clean Energy for America” plan (hot), and he paints (hot).
4 Likes
MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—There is a “significant link” between gun violence and cowardly politicians, a new study from the University of Minnesota asserts.
The study, which is raising eyebrows with its startling conclusions, finds that the most reliable predictor of gun violence is the “prevalence of quiveringly fearful politicians in positions of power.”
As part of the study’s methodology, researchers examining gun violence compared countries ruled by non-cowards with those ruled by gutless toadies.
“In countries ruled by non-cowards, such as New Zealand, gun violence is virtually nonexistent,” the study claims.
While the study’s authors paint a bleak picture of nations with “coward-rich” leadership, they offer a recommendation to remedy this dire state of affairs.
“While censoring movies or video games would have no measurable effect on gun violence, major strides can be made by replacing cowards in government with non-cowards,” the study suggests, noting that this theory could be tested as early as 2020.
3 Likes
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Demands Facebook Investigate Why Obama’s Post Got So Many Likes
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A furious Donald J. Trump has demanded that Facebook investigate why a status update posted by former President Barack Obama on Monday has received so many likes.
Speaking to reporters on Wednesday morning, Trump said that the more than eight hundred and fifty thousand likes that Obama’s post had garnered as of Tuesday night were “phony,” and called the seeming popularity of the post a “rigged hoax.”
“There is absolutely no way that eight hundred and fifty thousand people liked Obama’s post,” he said. “I know a lot of people, and absolutely none of them like Obama.”
Trump said that, in addition to investigating Obama’s likes, he was demanding that Facebook remove several hundred thousand of Obama’s likes and “give them to me instead.”
Calling the former President’s Facebook post “as long and boring as a book,” Trump slammed Obama for being “terrible at social media, which is the most important part of a President’s job.”
“In that post he uses words like ‘motivations,’ ‘proliferate,’ and ‘unequivocally,’ ” Trump said. “How could over eight hundred thousand people like a post full of words that no one has ever heard of?”
3 Likes
WOW. THIRTY-NINE new galaxies have just been discovered, ALL much larger & more densely packed than ours, so distant, surrounded by so much dust, that we could not see them. It upends all of our current models of the history of the universe.
#ILoveScience
2 Likes
I’m embarrassed as to how funny I found this video. Click tweet to watch 
2 Likes
This came up in my time-hop thingy, enjoy this meta moment from local news commenting on a segment about Seattle-famous gardening expert, Cisco Morris. Stay for the funny stories they tell at the end.
Anyone else feeling like they need more gentle-core content in their lives? Anyone have any other gentle-human-interest stories? Please share. I need them.
3 Likes
I agree @Pet_Proletariat .nice to find something gentler than the state of affairs today.
Huell Howser was a fixture in SoCal on PBS for his nightly California Gold. He was originally from the South… his twang, his enthusiasm and his human-interest stories were just plain comforting. I got to meet him on one of the episodes and he was exactly as he seemed on camera. He’s an institution and a well-loved figure who’s search for all things California was ‘amazing…’ One of his favorite phrases.
A highlight reel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=539jdK3eN1o
A tribute on The Simpsons ending with his catch phrase “That’s amazing.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKll0fGbQoA&list=PL8dxzVCv_E4XVHskuoNCPHTR5ANVVLb1L&index=7
3 Likes
@dragonfly9 Thanks for this. I really miss Huell Howser. I was a huge fan of “California Gold” – and still rewatch episodes. He had such an enthusiasm for life that continues to serve as an example for us all!
2 Likes
And now here is a dolphin blowing a bubble ring and playing with it. You’re welcome.
3 Likes