Thank you Banksy.
My condolences but this was pretty funny.
STYX — Recently deceased billionaire and libertarian political donor David H. Koch was reportedly still camped on the edge of the river Styx this morning, unable to reach the afterlife after refusing to pay the required one-cent fee to access the ferry.
“I don’t see why there needs to be a blanket fee for everybody when we could simply allow the market to determine a fair price,” said Koch, shivering over a small fire at the edge of the ancient river that separates the mortal world from the realm in which all human souls rest together in eternity, free from pain and worry. “I see a lot of profit to be made here.”
Koch also voiced his displeasure at the state of the boat itself, a flat wooden ferry pushed along by Charon, the boatman whose sole purpose is to guide humans through the transition.
“This is what you get when you let the government in,” Koch said, pointing at the old boat where Charon waited to reunite Koch’s spirit with those of his beloved friends and family. “Open this market up, you’re going to get some investors down here and turn this whole operation around. I would be happy to pay a million or two for a nice yacht ride.”
Charon reportedly felt there had been a misunderstanding between himself and Koch.
“The coin is more like, you know, a metaphorical thing,” said Charon. “Giving up your worldly possessions so you can move into the afterlife on an equal footing with everyone else. That’s why we make it so cheap. I’m not sure if this guy really gets it.”
Koch brushed off concerns that a free market would raise the price beyond what most could afford.
“If people couldn’t afford a yacht they could swim. I think you could make it across,” he said, peering across the massive river. “Not me, of course. Poor people.”
Given he just announced he’s raising the 25% tariffs on China to 30% and the 10% ones to 15%… yeah. This is perfect.
Here is a thread to make you smile. Watch them all. It’s worth it.
I think we can file this under “things nobody ever actually said.”
He’s been saying this sort of thing all weekend, and the people he claims are saying things have been saying “no, we never said that” in real time.
I know it’s parody…
Trump Attempts To Ease Tensions With Jewish Community By Noting He Also Would’ve Murdered Christ
I know MAGAs are lost in their own Trump-induced reality, but I really didn’t think they’d line up behind him on the hurricane nuking thing. I was wrong.
COPENHAGEN (The Borowitz Report)—After rebuffing Donald J. Trump’s hypothetical proposal to purchase Greenland, the government of Denmark has announced that it would be interested in buying the United States instead.
“As we have stated, Greenland is not for sale,” a spokesperson for the Danish government said on Friday. “We have noted, however, that during the Trump regime pretty much everything in the United States, including its government, has most definitely been for sale.”
“Denmark would be interested in purchasing the United States in its entirety, with the exception of its government,” the spokesperson added.
A key provision of the purchase offer, the spokesperson said, would be the relocation of Donald Trump to another country “to be determined,” with Russia and North Korea cited as possible destinations.
If Denmark’s bid for the United States is accepted, the Scandinavian nation has ambitious plans for its new acquisition. “We believe that, by giving the U.S. an educational system and national health care, it could be transformed from a vast land mass into a great nation,” the spokesperson said.