Word (is moat,) #WordsNotGoodWithWords
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Eric Trump Accuses Don, Jr., of Being Whistle-Blower in Bid to Get Him Cut Out of Will
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what insiders are calling an audacious move to get his older brother cut out of their father’s will, Eric Trump has accused Donald Trump, Jr., of being the whistle-blower.
According to White House sources, Eric marched into the Oval Office on Wednesday morning and announced to his father, “You can stop wondering who this quote-unquote whistle-blower is. It’s Don.”
Reportedly, no sooner had the young Trump made the startling accusation than Don, Jr., himself burst into the room, turning the tables on his sibling by claiming that Eric, and not he, was the actual whistle-blower.
Within seconds, the Trump brothers were viciously wrestling on the Oval Office carpet, while their father looked on, seemingly pleased by the spectacle.
Later in the day, the White House press secretary, Stephanie Grisham, issued a statement in the hopes of defusing this latest controversy. “A forensic analysis of the whistle-blower’s complaint reveals that it was written entirely in complete sentences, thus eliminating both Trump boys as its author,” she said.
Burkman and Wohl promised to reveal the whistleblower’s name from Jack’s front yard. The neighbors just laughed.
And here is the announcement for their latest debacle, in which they state a 24-year-old marine was paid by Elizabeth Warren for sex. Yes, they misspelled “conscience.”
A little word play -
Reinterpreting the song Escape “if you like Pina Coladas, and get caught in the rain!”
Remember the post I am responding to where Jacob and the Burkman tried to claim they know who the whistleblower is?
Remember how you didn’t think it could get dumber?
Jacob Wohl’s fake Warren sex scandal guy has a Vin Diesel XXX tattoo!
Can’t… stop… laughing… too… much… irony… going to… explode…
Don Jr. Warns That Joe Biden Might Abuse Presidential Powers to Enrich His Lowlife Relatives
Odds place Greta Thunberg as front-runner for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Kim Jong Un Told Trump He Was Too Busy Developing Ballistic Missiles to Help Him with Biden Thing
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump asked Kim Jong Un to help dig up dirt on Joe Biden, but Kim said that he was “too busy developing ballistic missiles” to do so, the North Korean dictator confirmed on Thursday.
“I remember getting a call from him about the Biden thing, I want to say in August,” Kim told reporters. “And I was, like, ‘I am super busy developing a new generation of ballistic missiles right now.’ ”
Kim said that he recalled Trump being “very understanding” and saying that he would “try some other countries.”
Although the conversation was apparently pleasant, the North Korean leader remembered thinking that Trump’s request for dirt on Joe Biden was “kind of weird.”
“I said to him, ‘Are you sure you should be calling foreign leaders for this kind of thing?’ ” Kim recalled. “ ‘Have you really thought this through?’ ”
It is my very, very strong suspicion that somebody pranked Donnie, given the lack of substance when one looks up “Richard Ketay”… and what one finds looking up “Ketay” and considers the diminutive of Richard.
Word on the street is that Ketay is Trump’s pick for the next VP after Pence disappears under the bus.
From our friends at The Onion
WASHINGTON—Lighting candles at the altar before lowering his head in reverence, President Donald Trump prayed for the lord to guide him in his darkest hour Thursday while kneeling before a portrait of himself. “You, the all-seeing, all-knowing, he who stands above all other beings, in my time of need, please show me the way,” said Trump, gazing into the eyes of his portrait and asking for the kind of strength that can only be granted by the almighty himself. “Eternal one, king of kings, I have always served you dutifully and have never forsaken the quest for your glory. In all your omnipotence, I beg that you shine a light and show me how to strike down your enemies. If delivered from this trial, I will spread your word to the ends of the Earth and make sure all of humanity sings your praises.” Trump concluded the prayer by saying he would gladly offer up his children in holy sacrifice for his lord if it would secure his glory.