The political analysis that comes after I don’t much care for, but the clip where Fox is talking to this guy who knows where it’s at is brilliant.
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Trump Offers Freed ISIS Fighters a Group Rate at Trump Doral Resort | The New Yorke
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a “once-in-a-lifetime incredible deal,” Donald Trump on Friday offered recently-escaped isis fighters a group rate at the Trump National Doral Miami.
“I am giving isis a group rate that entitles them to the full run of the golf course, the spa, you name it,” he said. “This is going to make the isis people very, very happy.”
The fighters can qualify for the group rate by presenting proof of isis membership and their recently freed status, Trump said.
Trump declined to say whether he would extend the same group rate to Kurdish fighters in Syria. “I’m not a fan of the Kurds,” he said. “Where were the Kurds in 1776 when George Washington took control of the British airports?”
Shortly after Trump made the offer to isis , however, the group’s leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, issued a lukewarm response.
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A joint initiative between British and American police to find competent politicians to help lead their respective countries has ended in failure, it has emerged.
With both countries suffering from a lack of true political leadership, British and American police joined forces to find ‘missing’ competent politicians. However, after an extensive six month search, police on both sides of the Atlantic have given up the search.
‘We assumed there would be some dedicated, selfless people out there who wanted to make Britain great again. Our search came up empty though,’ said Detective Thanger of the Greater Manchester Police.
And results were similar in America where their investigation led to the discovery of only one man who was unfortunately ineligible for higher office.
‘The man in question is intelligent, articulate, has a wealth of experience…however he is also black, so that’s a no-go,’ said Detective Blank of the Illinois Police.
With disappointing results in this investigation, police are now looking at ways to help the public get through the years until our inevitable destruction.
‘We have A LOT of drugs saved up from busts throughout the years. If we ration them out wisely then everyone can have a whale of a time until the first the nuke hits,’ said Blank.
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Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Claims World Series Fans Want to Lock Him Up in White House for Doing Excellent Job
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that he was “incredibly moved by their support,” Donald J. Trump said on Monday that fans at Game 5 of the World Series expressed their strong desire to see him locked up in the White House for doing such an excellent job as President.
“Out of nowhere, they just started chanting,” Trump told reporters at the White House. “They really want to see me locked up for another four years.”
Trump said that he was surprised by the passionate and urgent nature of the chanting directed toward him. “Despite all the things that the fake media has said about me, these people know what an amazing job I’ve done,” he said. “They really want to lock me up and never let me go.”
Noting that the Constitution allows a President to serve only two terms, Trump said, “That’s a real shame, because the way those people were chanting, I think they’d like to see me locked up for the rest of my life.”
He added that he hoped his archnemesis, former President Barack Obama, was watching the World Series on television to witness “the unbelievable support I got from that crowd.”
“Obama was President for eight years, and he never heard anyone chant ‘lock him up,’ ” Trump said. “What a loser.”
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Died like a dog…
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A must see! In just 90 seconds this mashup nails the profound difference between Obama’s sober, commanding leadership and Trump’s infantile buffoonery.
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More idiocy…
Watch
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From The Recount…here’s their first installment on The Emoluments clause. Animocracy: Emoluments Clause
Done in a funny way!
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