Ladies and gentlemen, the great businessman:
Oh! that Windmill Cancer is serious stuff. Here is a very useful link to help you check if you have it.
I checked out on all of the first 5 symptoms! I’m not going to see the doctor because that could be fatal.
It’s snowing in Seattle for the first time in 2020—did the White House mix up their Washington’s? Who is going to tell them that there are two?
Some hyperbole from our local news. We don’t get a lot of snow in the year so it generates a lot of news online when it happens. Idiots probably saw a headline like this and didn’t look out the fucking window before hitting send.
Some areas hit hard by Western Washington snowfall
I nominate this hero tortoise for Pokemon.
I am sure that’s how that works.
The Simpsons Predicted We’ll Get President Lisa Someday—but Only After President Trump
Susan Collins Takes Hours to Decide on Lunch Before Ordering Exactly What Mitch McConnell Is Having
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—On the first day of the impeachment trial in the United States Senate, Senator Susan Collins, a Republican of Maine, spent hours trying to decide what she would have for lunch before ultimately ordering exactly what Senator Mitch McConnell was having.
Clutching the Senate takeout menu in her hands, Collins told reporters mid-morning that the decision of what to have for lunch was a matter of serious consideration and that she wanted to review all of the available options before selecting one.
“I’m deeply troubled and concerned about getting this order right,” Collins said. “There are many valid choices on this menu and I don’t want to give any of them short shrift.”
Around 11 a . m ., rumors swirled that Collins was leaning toward ordering a quinoa salad, a choice that would have set her apart from the rest of her Republican colleagues in the upper chamber.
By noon, however, Collins emerged from her office to tell reporters that she had ordered the exact same thing that the Senate Majority Leader had chosen, a roast beef sandwich on a roll.