– Tweet of the day, from Congressman Eric Swalwell about Donald Trump: “The White House Turkey should not be pardoned. But we should save the birds.”
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MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Asserting that his “darkest fears have been confirmed,” Vladimir Putin warned that the United States is on the verge of being controlled by Americans.
Speaking to reporters at the Kremlin, the Russian President alleged that President-elect Joe Biden was “the handpicked instrument of those who would seek to advance American interests.”
“Joe Biden is no more and no less than a puppet of the American people,” he charged.
“His Cabinet appointments have left little doubt that, after four years of progress, the United States has fallen into American hands,” he said. “Joe Biden is keenly aware that Americans put him in power, and he will do their bidding.”
Russia experts said that Putin’s remarks were as close to a concession speech as he is likely to make.
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Doomsday conspirator vs Hopeful, kind and brethren-loving President
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The Trump campaign paid three million dollars for a recount in Milwaukee.
The total did change. In the end, Joe Biden gained 132 votes.
Winning.
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Ah, but “the end” is in sight! 
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From the witty Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an attempt to demonstrate that he is in better physical condition than President-elect Joe Biden, Donald J. Trump spent part of Monday morning playing fetch with Mike Pence on the White House lawn.
The press corps was invited to the event, at which Trump, seated on a golf cart, hurled tennis ball after tennis ball at his Vice-President, who obediently retrieved them.
At one point in the demonstration, Pence paused to praise his boss’s “amazing stamina.”
“Mr. President, I always knew that your mental acuity was beyond compare, but I must say that your physical strength and endurance are nothing short of miraculous,” Pence said.
“I can’t hear you with that tennis ball in your mouth,” Trump replied.
After half an hour of fetching, Pence became winded and was replaced by Senator Lindsey Graham.
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Melania’s Christmas this year.
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Suggesting a new caption: “Worst Lady”
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I called her (FLOTUS) #FhirdLadyOfTheUS because she’s his third. 
Notice that Reagan, Bob Dole (nominee 1996), McCain (Nominee 2008) and Trump were all divorced!
Talk about “Christian Values”, when they all swore before God “Til death does us apart!”.
No Dem nominee nor elected had been divorced at the time!
Biden is the first Dem with a 2nd wife, but we know he lost his 1st in an accident.
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On the non-existent Edison County, MI:
Trump continues his mission to disenfranchise his own party by attacking Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey.
Good. Let him tear the GOP apart. They earned this reckoning.
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Positively insane…(but it’s Trumpland) Gov Ducey is in the process of certifying the AZ vote count - verifying a Biden win, and Trump and/or Pence calls him during this. He uses the “Hail to the Chief” ring tone on his phone when either of them call. 
Listen…
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