Satire from The Borowitz Report
In Ominous Development for Trump, Roger Stone Gets Mueller Tattoo
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a potentially worrisome development for the White House, Donald Trump’s longtime political adviser Roger Stone spent the weekend getting a tattoo of the special counsel, Robert Mueller, on his back.
Minutes after being released on bail, Stone was reportedly driven to a tattoo-removal specialist in Jersey City, who spent nine hours removing his notorious back tattoo of Richard Nixon to make room for the newly minted Mueller tat.
News of Stone’s Mueller tattoo sent a wave of panic through the White House, where top aides attempted to predict what the tattoo portended for Stone’s loyalty to Trump going forward.
For his part, Stone downplayed the significance of the tattoo as he stripped off his shirt to display it for reporters. “I will have no comment at this time, other than to say that Robert Mueller is a kind, fair, and extremely handsome man,” Stone said.
Me as well
Satire - The Borowitz Report
Republicans Blast Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Sour Expression During State of the Union Address
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s facial expression during the State of the Union address came under continued attack from Republicans on Thursday, with the former House Speaker John Boehner joining the chorus of disapproval.
“When I saw her with that pained expression on her face, I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Boehner said. “It was like nothing I had ever seen before in my life.”
The former Speaker said that Ocasio-Cortez broke his “No. 1 rule” of reacting to a State of the Union speech: “No matter what the President is saying, be sure to look cheerful and upbeat at all times.”
“I didn’t always agree with what President Obama had to say over the years, but I always kept a smile on my face,” he said. “I think if the congresswoman went back and looked at video of me and my fellow-Republicans during the Obama speeches, she could learn a lot about maintaining a non-stop happy facial expression.”
Boehner said that he considered Ocasio-Cortez’s facial expressions “a rookie mistake” and offered her a piece of helpful advice. “Darlin’, take it from old man Boehner—you can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar,” he chuckled.
and on a sentimental note…our BOOM friend, relays this story.
That was my first thought of the State of the Union…Pelosi giving him a good crack on that birds’nest!