Yes! John Oliver does an Equal Rights Amendment segment. One state to go!
I love how Queen Elizabeth trolls. So subtle. As the Queen, she has a massive array of options for her wardrobe, and she knows that every choice will be analyzed and understood.
Something I just threw together from posts up on the Rasmussen Report’s twitter feed in the past day or two while Trump is once again touting them as proof he’s doing treat.
PS: If lying about getting 50% approval ratings is great, what is failing?
Another day, another unhinged series of Trump rants.
The “Trump 41%” meme is providing some very welcome comic relief.
Check out this hilarious list of snarky 2020 election poll results collected by the Huffington Post:
June 12, 2019
New poll numbers show every major 2020 rival beating the president handily, with Joe Biden ahead by 13 points.
President Donald Trump received some bad numbers on Tuesday when a new poll showed his top potential 2020 rivals beating him handily.
The Quinnipiac poll gave former Vice President Joe Biden a 13-point lead over Trump: 53-40.
And the rest of the numbers weren’t much better.
The poll said Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) had a 9-point edge (51-42) over the president, while Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) maintained an 8-point lead (49-41). Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) wasn’t far behind, leading Trump by 7 (49-42). …
“That’s disastrous for any incumbent, whether he or she is running for dogcatcher or president,” Conway wrote on Twitter.
Others were even blunter in their assessment, causing “Trump 41%” to trend on Twitter. Some folks even made jokes about all the things that might beat Trump in 2020:
Colonoscopy 54%. Trump 41%.
Stepping on Legos 50%. Trump 41%.
The machine that blows puffs of air in your eye at the eye doctor 42%. Trump 41%.
That dry soda in you car cup holder where three pennies are stuck 48%. Trump 41%.
Root Canal 46%. Trump 41%.
Sweaty guy at the gym who never wipes down the machines 49%. Trump 41%.
Drowning in lava 59%. Donald Trump 41%.
And here’s a few from Sara Danner Dukic’s Twitter feed that really crack me up:
Pouring cereal dust onto your face 56%. Trump 41%.
No milk after you shove half a peanut butter sandwich into your mouth 59%. Trump 41%.
Walking barefoot in an airplane bathroom 56%. Trump 41%.
Eating peanuts while chewing gum 59%. Trump 41%.
Driving behind someone going 15 mph and tapping breaks when you’re late to an important meeting 54%. Trump 41%.
Changing an up-the-back poop explosion diaper on the highway during a snow storm, then accidentally slinging poop onto car seat + your own face after you’ve used all the wipes 53%. Trump 41%.
“Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” earworm 52%. Trump 41%.
Nothing to eat but a giant poppyseed bagel before your photo shoot when you have no toothbrush but also are starving 51%. Trump 41%.
Thanks for the laugh~
OMG! Whales! Charles will love that. I guess as a former Naval Officer and environmentalist he could appreciate the title.
I see the twitteratti have been having a field day
Social media users reacted with delight to the gaffe, posting pictures imagining how such a meeting might have looked.
(Hazel Shearing on Twitter: "First photos in from Trump's meeting with the Prince of Whales… ")
There were pictures of whales looking suitably regal and ready for the pomp and circumstance of a state visit.
Prince of WHALES
I’m still laughing #PrinceOfWhales
Today’s was amazing. Following her was the best thing I have ever done for my mental health. Everyone should share this work!
Kellyanne Conway to Leave White House Immediately and Begin New Job at Kremlin
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The embattled Presidential adviser Kellyanne Conway will leave her post at the White House, effective immediately, and begin a new job at the Kremlin on Friday, the White House and the Kremlin have confirmed.
Conway, who has served as a counsellor to President Donald Trump, will serve as a counsellor to President Vladimir Putin.
The White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, announced the news in sombre fashion. “Everyone here is happy for Kellyanne, but our nation has lost a great liar,” she said.
Conway told reporters that she was excited to work in “a country that doesn’t have dumb old laws like the Hatch Act.”
“As a federal employee, there were so many restrictions on getting involved in American elections, but at the Kremlin that’ll be my main job,” she said.
2020 Candidates as Parks and Rec gifs
Thread it’s worth the click
Desperate Donnie tried to gaslight us today by insisting only he can prevent an economic collapse in 2020:
“The Trump Economy is setting records, and has a long way up to go…However, if anyone but me takes over in 2020 (I know the competition very well), there will be a Market Crash the likes of which has not been seen before! KEEP AMERICA GREAT”
Much to my great amusement, Amazon is overflowing with QAnonsense books. I think this might be my favorite:
Replacement for Sarah Sanders Disqualified After Telling Truth on Job Application
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A leading candidate to replace the White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, was disqualified after telling the truth repeatedly on his job application, the White House has confirmed.
According to the White House chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, the candidate got high marks in his job interview by demonstrating “utter disregard and contempt for press freedoms.”
“We then had him do a practice press briefing in which he was relentlessly abusive, obnoxious, and insulting,” Mulvaney said. “We were all, like, ‘This is our guy.’ ”
But after a thorough examination of the candidate’s job application, “a troubling series of truthhoods emerged,” Mulvaney said.
“It turned out that he was telling the truth about his education and previous employment,” the chief of staff said. “It was a pattern of honesty that we found deeply disturbing.”
Mulvaney said that the “inexcusably veracious” answers had eliminated the candidate from further consideration. “We all feel like we just dodged a bullet,” he said. “This whole episode just demonstrates how tough it is to replace Sarah Huckabee Sanders.”
The very definition of “shooting the messenger”
Oh, he’s mad alright
Portions of the campaign’s expansive March polling trickled out in recent days in other news reports.
But a person familiar with the inner workings of the Trump campaign shared more details of the data with NBC News, showing the president trailing across swing states seen as essential to his path to re-election and in Democratic-leaning states where Republicans have looked to gain traction. The polls also show Trump underperforming in reliably red states that haven’t been competitive for decades in presidential elections.
A separate person close to the Trump re-election team told NBC News Saturday that the campaign will be cutting ties with some of its pollsters in response to the information leaks, although the person did not elaborate as to which pollsters would be let go.
More headlines they are not happy about…
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Panicky Trump Brothers Seek Podiatrist Notes After Dad Sends Troops to Middle East Bay Sharks
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a state of panic after their father dispatched troops to the Middle East, Eric Trump and Donald Trump, Jr., have both sought medical notes from a Manhattan podiatrist.
According to an official statement from Donald Trump, Jr.,’s spokesperson, John Barron, Jr., the two Trump boys obtained the medical notes “out of an abundance of caution.”
The podiatrist’s notes, which were made public by Barron, paint a picture of two otherwise healthy young men with foot problems that can only be described as dire.
According to the podiatrist, Eric Trump is unable to operate his feet while chewing gum, while one of Donald Trump, Jr.,’s feet appears to be permanently lodged in his mouth.